and am back

not like a victorius prodigal triumphant person, but someone who has just realised that amongst the many supports you give up when you are in the first flushes of a deliriously happy relationship is the poor anonymous blog -

now that the delirium is over and replaced by horrible emptiness and aching bleeding hearts, i must return , and amonst the easiest to get back to is the poor anonymous blog - the others may not be so forgiving or sympathetic but hey the blog welcomes back anyone with a password right

now only if the door back to normalcy had a password too

and need an umbrella...

am in hyderabad - and apparently godavari floods tomorrow due to the full moon. maybe the umbrella will help upside down to float away all the way back to pune where the flood alert has been sounded. whew!
so hyd! first impressions, not bad - theres a lake, and apparently the old city rocks!

had meant to write this ossome (!) piece on rurality of neota and stuff but been much too busy...

and now for all you fans (yeah yeah) to gather around and help out. go to
bikingtheworld.blogspot.com and click on the ads

get the guy some money
and make everyone proud

including me who is managing the blog
and as for fans, non fans will do as well...

a lit tle upside d own

seeing the world a little skewed today
but its a persp ective
and a considerably important one at t hat

nothing wrong w ith the sp aces
only blanks in my me m ory today

i h ate the "for the rest of my life" phen omen non
surely nothing c an last so long

and all the de cisions i am making today
how can i be tru sted wi th something that just may last so long

and as for my life
how can i let it be lim ited by my ow n l imited imagination

set it fr ee
l et me be

trees from the cabin in the hills 

peacocks in formation

these are really young peacocks actually... so no tails to tell 

this is how i see the world

one of those crazy things a digi lets you do - a close up window is not really the best subject for a panaroma, but! what the camera didnt get:
an old sofa lined closed to the window,
a side table with coffee and coasters,
world space playing voyager
... hmmm, this one didnt have curtains either...

and when it rains, you get sprinkled,
the coffee cools
the cookie softens
the sofa smells
and youbring in the world space antenna!

just so long

for this blog to live... forseeable: four trips, six months, and some new places - then will hangup the backpack... and take up a job and settle.. ewww - i hate the word settle - its like what dirt does in water - but theres only so much running to do and once you figured what you are running from, it kind of loses its charm - if you are travelling from rather than to... and if you finally lose your home, you need to find another one...

bhimbetaka

not a pic i have taken.. but I was there last week - caves near bhopal known for the 10,000 BC paintings there - But what I find far more fascinating were the caves themselves... like giants piling up stones for seven tiles!! Bhopal is a nice place to visit but a terrible place to live in - other than the lake and the museums, which dont absorb you for too long... 

Old pic fresh colour

This blog really needed some colour , so here it is...


this photo is an old non digi one. I realised that I was really so much better with my manual than am with the digital one but cant afford the costs now.... just sometimes it didnt feel so virtual...

half full, half empty, filling too slowly?

so have things gotten better? or worse? do they ever get anywhere other than thenarrow scheme of my mind... if things dont get anywhere, i will...
but would be traveling soon ...... so all right! they are better...!

sometimes

you want to fight the larger being looking after us all somewhere - this is not what the brochure promised - i want a normal family - and then again maybe this much dysfunctionalism is there in every family... i dont want to deal with this - i dont want to run away either, there are no easy answers and everything requires patience and courage and so much amount of love and empathy i feel i am being emptied out when we havent even begun...

and all my silly little problems with mr gone-to-the-us and gosh-i-look-a-sight-in-a swimsuit ind of disappear when i think of my larger picture... or anyones

there is rioting on the street we cause we wont be meritocratic, so we will build a nation of lesser priveliged who will be super priveliged and inefficient,

people are buying and selling and selling and buying because we dont know what we want except we want more money

as if money is not a means to an end but the end itself

but if money can buy you freedom, why not....

hmmm....

now where to? in life, in the country, in to which role - its not so much a matter of deep philosophical wonder, just trying to figure what can i manage right now, a relationship? a trip to bangkok? another workshop? let an old friend seduce me? move out? get a job? do a road trip in europe? join the circus? have a one night stand? start a newspaper? start a virus? meditate? start a religion? buy a new phone? buy a new wardrobe? shoplift it instead? learn cooking? join swimming? learn the flute? go to brazil?

i am serious about the last three... sigh!

Pondicherry!!

all in all fun trip - and in parts, quite charming! actually met interesting people, took interesting walks, shopped smiled, sweated and sulked! besides the actual work and all that technological failure, the trip was GOOD FUN!! andam back all motivated to get more stuff done - lets see where this enthusiasm is going to take me next...

and yes, i may be wrong but universally men seem to be unreliable, attention seeking painful people... just an observation...

Note the wire right through the tongue - entertainment while commuting, gosh what a way to earn a living!!

Using Canon S1IS

the elephant and the mouse? whats with the proportions?!!!

Using Canon S1IS

yet another pottery workshop!!

Using Canon S1IS

peaceful pondicherry

quite a day... well my workshops begun, a sultry day later than i thought but things sseem to be working out nicely - got a nice cheap place to stay - an ashram guesthouse although am not a ma 'devotee'... figured somebody to pick and drop on bike rather than the two bus change and finally a riksha and a walk that would have sapped all energy- and went to the intach office today to get reference on local architecture - and tehy were quie enthu - roamed the streets - went to the ashram and meditated - peaceful indeed... i just hope th wrkshop goes off well now...:)

is it working yet

no it isnt,
the things in my life that arent working
1. the self motivated do work on your own schedule bit - no self discipline - i sleep at one and get up at 11, and no work ever gets done.
2. lets get fitter bit - i have even identified the pool to join swimming but now shall be away and just doesnt seem smart to join now, and otherwise just too hot to step out...
3. lets get social and make new friends bit
well a) its too hot, b) me? social? you've got to be kidding c) where do i begin?
4. mr-gone-to-the-us-but-lets-see-if-something-happens-when-i-return-fellow - he said he will call over the weekend - he didnt so i did, he was sleeping so i told him to call back, and guess who's still waiting by the phone...

but at least i can pay my phone bills now that i have got a bit of workin pondicherry...

so things that are working
1) I have actually mailed people about work
2) I actually have a plan for new products that I want to make and sell, now that i will have the money - some of the plans will work
4) I have seen what it is like, and so no longer jealous of non single friends
6) I am optimistic enough to cheat so that the works outweigh the non works!
7) William's back!! heh heh!

Nostalgia is a sepia coloured fan...

Using Canon S1IS

Delhi

Using Canon S1IS

... is becoming hep! I mean the crowded filthy downmarket (??) lajpat nagar has this subway just to cross road - not at all bad!

yoohoo...

going off to pondicherry come wednesday... ok villianur - a village close by - possibly vague and hot and very tamil and not at all french, but it sounds good to say i am off to pondicherry for a fortnight and getting paid for it!!

as for anon - where you coming back from... and william Australia?? if your latest post is anything to go by...

boo!

and I have alreay scared my intrigued anonymous away! sigh! never mind ... another oneof those times looming ahead when i have to question where am I headed in life - do I need to be headed anywhere at all and why - knowing the impermanence of things (after the vipassana),- should one even attempt the heading. why bother? i guess fater a couple of drinks - everything just starts to make enormous sense! heh hic heh!

SMOTHERED!

What are mothers when they are not mothering? they are mothers in disguise. Scratch a little and there they are dripping in love and being so ultra sweet yo hate yourself. Despite the fact that I really do believe I have the greatest mom on earth and that she really is open minded and balanced and the most caring selfless and understanding one, I just cant take it. Shes always clesning up after me and always offering me stuff to eat or drink or making up my bed or fussing. I cant take it- I just dont feel I have any personal space. Or personal worth. I want her to step back. I dont want to hurt her. I think I have simply outgrown home and need to go away - again!

Jaipur! - hot and pretty

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BACKPACKED!

can i please stay still - the meditation camp hasnt cured the wanderlust so am in jaipur now!! and missed the flight cause i left the bag with the tickets in the bus to the airport, so had to chase it to the bus' last stop and by that time missed!! thankfully open ticket and could catch it the next day... will post more pics as soon as they happen...

from nilgiri to dhammagiri

yeah, thats a long ride... with a weekend in bangalore and a night home in between... why was i there - exhausted by the loss of a grandparent, the loss of a friend who didnt turn into more, the lesser losses of planned projects and planned months. .. out of curiousity, because it was possible now and i needed something to teach me balance and stability - and maybe not to just keep rushing about looking for some validation of life itself. If i was expecting answers, there were none to be had, any emotional cleansing, any divine intervention, any miracle cure - none at all. just painfully unexciting meditation 10 hours a day on my own boring body reactions to seemingly nothing - there was boredom, there was pain but in the end, you do sense the change - the challenge is to sustain it - i may not be able to, but i at least know of that space within me where nothing needs to happen and its allright all the time.

The super charming train ride...

Using Canon S1IS

and the sunset as seen from the school

Using Canon S1IS

So this is what the charming school looks like... sigh! I do hope they invite me back to take a workshop...

Using Canon S1IS

my nose's peeling off

yeah - i got sunburnt in ooty.. such an uncharming place - but i spent four glorious days in a small school there - and what a charming school.. and i actually liked kids for the first time in my life... and the flowers and the dragonflies and the train - oh the train ride is amazing - 13 bucks return ticket from ooty to coonoor on a world heritage railway through the most amazing wooded sites and tea plantations and fragrant woods... gets your head buzzing...
and then on to bangalore - lesser nostalgia, more alcohol and i picked a fight with a stranger - what fun!!
what was lesser fun was falling for on of my dearest friends and realising its not going to happen. how do i manage to get hurt by the sweetest of guys - either i turn them into rascals or figure out some edge to cut myself with..

sigh!

so am off to a vipassana course - ten days of meditative silence with no other contact with the world. and no books either.
freak!

hey now

am in kerala - thats what makes this blog impossible to update - i am never there... so have finally taken a day off from the workshop in my tiny remote unconnected village to come to mail.. its hot and humid and festive and very very mallu. and the village has so many shades of green, pantone couldnt match... i am tired of the work and the fuss but like the quiet and the appams. and lots of money to be earned!! yeah yeah, for once wont fret about the laptop payments - they be over now!and will stopover in bangalore for a dose of fun!

ok, more mundanely, how do i set my nav bar right? its all screwed and in the line of vision etc...

and i love the intrigued anonymous comments! keep then coming!! heh!!

for the audience of one

 

ignore the pic - its just the view from my latest birthday gift...
about teh blog tho'-fewer people coming here, most old regulars not even performing teh courtesy of returning calls... and dear faithful william seems away.. should it matter - of course not, after all i am doing this for myself, right?
btu sometimes i wonder if i would do anything at all if i lived inthe world of one. this blog is my mirror - so i see myself - so i see myself the way all the others see me - where i test drive my latest thought, i try out my latest role - traveler, independent, adventuress or philosopher... and roles all of them are.. there is no real me, there is no real anybody. when i travel i look for the context of another role i feel comfortable in. who is the real you, the real me - the one role i'll love to play, is the one i am searching for... 

goa goa goa

 

Tito's! where else?!
have loved people, places, concepts and ideas, things and colours, spirit and tastes - moments and weather, the feel and the senses - never all of it at one time amd place - if it had to be, it had to be... 

to you too!

 

so where does on go for new years - on a shoestring budget - hoping to make money selling souvenirs? without a place to stay, without a place to sell - goa, of course - and only me and friend inc. could have had such a hair brained scheme as our maiden venture...
but know what - i dont care if i have to slog my butt off the rest of the year - its goa for me, where else? i loved the place, loved the people - nothing worked out and amazingly everything did - i grew up, i humbled down and i got my faith in life back - didnt party, didnt drink much - laughed a lot and yes, cried too - this trip was a life affirming trip - it was a fun trip - i have never made so many friends out of strangers after a year of making strangers out of friends - all tripped out now... cheers!