moving

so everyone moves from blogspot to wordpress or back or something else and if they are lucky to their own domain...
 i am only moving to tumblr and it is called onemoreaddress.tumblr.com

this was too wordy
and there are too many changes from where this left off...

wish not

I am married, I wish I wasn't
I live in Delhi, I wish I didn't
I am completely in love with my husband, I wish I wasn't

the problem is that this is not a movie

so exes of your present ( and hopefully eternal future) are not dorks, mean, perverted or bitchy people but people you are most likely to like and understand and maybe admire

and be foolishly jealous of

it doesnt help at all that they are accomplished smart nice people

(though you would not want them to be losers)

you do need something to pin onto them and say to the love of your life

thank god you didnt end up with them

and hope that they think it too

(or how to find stimulation in tedium)

my work is not really repetitious but its not super exciting either
business here is slow, really really unbelievably slow
and then there is heat, boredom, and paperwork to deal with...

meanwhile the car trip t work that would take me anywhere from 50 min to an hour is now taking me 40 mins
yay for that - i am also more actively driving (as opposed to being on autopilot), still doing best to be scrimping on fuel and also getting aware of driving patterns and drivers around me. so if it is usually an alto or maybe a zen thats holding up traffic by driving painfully slow, its usually the santros that are zipping madly switching lanes. indicas and 800s are usually quite indisciplined and the SUV are notorious bullies. my vote is usually with the wagon rs.

so from a cautious safe driver i am also becoming more adventurous, and if truth be told, aggressive on the roads

its contagious

its the senseless silly drivers of delhi and i am one of them

am hitting back at people who cut into my lane, honk furiously, take sharp turns, overtake but always indicate when switching lanes unlike the santros! and i mark them off like people in a party - that golden toyota - why is he so indecisive, god let me not be trapped behind him - must not get into the same lane as that blue alto, see that honda city guy is actually indicating, why can the stupid safari do the same and uh oh trapped behind the blue alto after all.

they're all friends and mostly foes, slowing me down, honking at me and zipping with me

and i never see them again, they're playmates for a day - for an hour and sometimes mostly for a few mins while i videogame my way to office and back.

thankfully there is no way to lose

am ready for the change, is it ready for me?

so many changes that it seems a good time to change myself

there are challenges
in figuring a city, a life, a family, a profile

all of which i am unused to

and so you are forced to open up your eyes to more things
more beliefs more views more doors more ways
more people more windows more voices more of yourself and more of the world
more of the chaos and more of the mess we live in and forget to acknowledge

and so i am ripe for it
am ripe for someone opening doors to change
changing my life to changing the world to changing myself
am ready with my arms open

for another life to come and claim me

nothing comes looking for you unless you are ready for it nor do you recognise it unless it is ready for you
for the shedding of baggage
for a higher calling
for the new skin

come and get me

stranger in a strange land

i am not lonely but there is a weird aloofness to it all
i feel like i dont know anyone
dont knwo this life that i am suddenly living
the absence of familiarity is exciting but not all the time
i crave the little delights of the fixed routine that make the routine so special
there is no one thing i look forward to everyday
like the coffee break in office, or the friday snack, or the sunday nap
there is nothing right now, in the day or the week that i look forward to
am just gritting my teeth through it all
cant wait to get out of the house, out of the auto, out of the office, out of the bus, out of the dining room

sleep is the only thing i look forward to - and thats not such a great thing, is it

big city blues

new delhi is certainly new
and quite big
and foggy bluish cold tint to it

its a cool stiff stranger to me right now
that i am learning to navigate

as much as the newly married territory

there are flyovers to be indentified, bus number and routes to be remembered, and streets to be followed that never seem to turn at the same place the next day i try

its the frustration of the uninitiated - like a foreign movie, i hunt for subtitles in landmarks

but they repeat themselves in confusing regularity and i ask rajat if we are near south ex as we approach nehru place...

but its an interesting challenge, i have done this in many places with varying degrees of independence, of assistance, of distance. and i have managed.

it will take its time, but i will figure something that works for me,
and nokia maps will help! :)

am back

not really
but i just realised it has been a year
and what a year it was

getting over heartbreak
falling in love
cleaning up baggage
joining drama, kickboxing flute
getting a nephew
and getting engaged

whirlwind
moving from the poky little room
to a 2 bed room apartment with a friend
and then a big raise and promotion
quitting kickboxing and flute
and joining aerobics and drums instead

:)

ohho now i love my life
such a turnaround

but i must remember
this too shall pass

must enjoy it while i can

and i am here

one day

shall outgrow
rights and wrongs


outgrow decisions
that take you to different places
to decisions
that make you a different person

and be choosing
not consequences
of what would happen to me
but of what i could become

ok this was never meant to be a crib blog

but it so much to resist falling into that trap

when noone else listens


so i wont do that anymore, i think - the same resolution for the nth time
:)
and so much has happened i should write about

"Say I saw an animal that looks dead, Astrid said.

Why would I want to poke it with a stick? Why would I want to do something that might be cruel if the animal isn't dead and is still alive and only looks like it's dead?”

“To see if it's alive.”

the accidental - ali smith

days spent in counting days

strange and sublime address - amit chowdhary

sa huff re blow ga whew!

so have started to lern the flute
hindustani classical
and had my flute ordered from delhi
arrived yesterday - its so big! and beautiful!


breathful of notes
broken and fuzzy
escape my flute
drifting to the floor

every morning
i stir fry them
and make me
a musical bite

ok this music and kitchen combination really getting to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, ok

i was being a tired grumpy spoilt kid there

but its okay - once in a while one can sulk and crib

scrabble anyone?

new city, new job, new lifestyle - paying rent, thinking long term, trying cooking - so many firsts and totally dont know anyone

you know, how they say -travel expands the mind - but what it actually does is show you just how things are different all over and pretty much the same. some in details and some in essence. it stretches your extremes and moves your zero ground. and if it is habitual, you fit everywhere and belong nowhere - (i dont know what the middle path is - having both your feet in different extremes?! )

so am searching for the middle of bangalore, the fringe where i stay is exhorbitant -from rent to food to gyms to even options of clothes - only brands and malls - which make you feel so somehow included because its so familiar - but then that whole other side of bangalore - the non foreigner side (foreigner = north migrant) (koramangala, jayanagar, indiranagar type IT professional dense suburbs are all foreigner infested) -i just dont know that other side - where normal people stay - where smalllocal businesses thrive - where bangalore comes into its own and doesnt look like just another metro but displays some character... other than trying to make the foreigners feel at home - and unfortuantely at a price i cant afford - where are the NON IT, non corporate world of people that dont earn too much but not too little - not the lower middle but not the upper upper middle either - not a seedy 800 a month gym but not a swanky 2500 one either

Where is the middle path? Where are the people who when asked 'so what else do you do?' - dont say partying and pub hopping? dont say watching tv either? am i being too judgemental?
are there scrabble players in bangalore? people who read? people who have good conversation in them? who like walking? dont need a/c all the time? or am i too old to hang around people like that? i guess am just so used to surrounded by "people like me" i dont know what to do without them,
d-uh bad social skills..... oh oh this is becoming whiny!

and this start from scratch phenomenon sucks - altho in this one month (to date) -

• found a place to stay and set it up,
  
• marched on womens day,
  
• met at least four new people and plans to meet another three this week,
  
• joined a kick boxing one day, dance aerobics the next etc type gym,
  
• joined the library,
  
• set up kitchen, started cooking (yesterday dinner - my first pressure cooked aloo bhaji)... :)

and so this is what happens when nomads settle,
there was this study we'd done of this nomadic tribe of bengal who make dokra stuff near bankura who had been 'settled' - given land and huts and stuff - what they hadn't been given is skills of a settled life - so sanitation and hygiene were poor, and the idea of having a house and boundaries and property were all new, and they were a little lost.

and here i am

.. wont you send me an angel.

point in life where things seem over - there is a 'the end' that was stuck in the next scene when everything was going to be allright and who gave a damn about the details and the ugly truth is that things suck - i am here, empty and alone with no clue what to start with and where to go

And that is the best part - one can go anywhere from ground zero... you cant fall off the floor and it possibly cant get worse - am alone in a city - have no friends here so to speak - work is tepid - no office colleagues worth knowing and job that is not all i wanted it to be - have broken up with the reason of shifting to bangalore and am staying on my own - for the first time - with heartbreak and poor cooking skills! - hopefully it cant be worse - hopefully i will survive this and that would be one less to fear in life and that it would be the best thing that happened to me.

everything is wonderful - i just cant see it now

yay! for lime and silver new shoes!

brand new me, brand new day, brand new life

100 posts over, new year now, new city, no more hopping around the world and finally job, and unpacked life

okay but feels dismal for now, will be better i know one day

so bangalore, here i am!

and am back

not like a victorius prodigal triumphant person, but someone who has just realised that amongst the many supports you give up when you are in the first flushes of a deliriously happy relationship is the poor anonymous blog -

now that the delirium is over and replaced by horrible emptiness and aching bleeding hearts, i must return , and amonst the easiest to get back to is the poor anonymous blog - the others may not be so forgiving or sympathetic but hey the blog welcomes back anyone with a password right

now only if the door back to normalcy had a password too

and need an umbrella...

am in hyderabad - and apparently godavari floods tomorrow due to the full moon. maybe the umbrella will help upside down to float away all the way back to pune where the flood alert has been sounded. whew!
so hyd! first impressions, not bad - theres a lake, and apparently the old city rocks!

had meant to write this ossome (!) piece on rurality of neota and stuff but been much too busy...

and now for all you fans (yeah yeah) to gather around and help out. go to
bikingtheworld.blogspot.com and click on the ads

get the guy some money
and make everyone proud

including me who is managing the blog
and as for fans, non fans will do as well...

a lit tle upside d own

seeing the world a little skewed today
but its a persp ective
and a considerably important one at t hat

nothing wrong w ith the sp aces
only blanks in my me m ory today

i h ate the "for the rest of my life" phen omen non
surely nothing c an last so long

and all the de cisions i am making today
how can i be tru sted wi th something that just may last so long

and as for my life
how can i let it be lim ited by my ow n l imited imagination

set it fr ee
l et me be

trees from the cabin in the hills