Friday, April 14
SMOTHERED!
What are mothers when they are not mothering? they are mothers in disguise. Scratch a little and there they are dripping in love and being so ultra sweet yo hate yourself. Despite the fact that I really do believe I have the greatest mom on earth and that she really is open minded and balanced and the most caring selfless and understanding one, I just cant take it. Shes always clesning up after me and always offering me stuff to eat or drink or making up my bed or fussing. I cant take it- I just dont feel I have any personal space. Or personal worth. I want her to step back. I dont want to hurt her. I think I have simply outgrown home and need to go away - again!
Saturday, April 8
Friday, March 24
BACKPACKED!
can i please stay still - the meditation camp hasnt cured the wanderlust so am in jaipur now!! and missed the flight cause i left the bag with the tickets in the bus to the airport, so had to chase it to the bus' last stop and by that time missed!! thankfully open ticket and could catch it the next day... will post more pics as soon as they happen...
Thursday, March 16
from nilgiri to dhammagiri
yeah, thats a long ride... with a weekend in bangalore and a night home in between... why was i there - exhausted by the loss of a grandparent, the loss of a friend who didnt turn into more, the lesser losses of planned projects and planned months. .. out of curiousity, because it was possible now and i needed something to teach me balance and stability - and maybe not to just keep rushing about looking for some validation of life itself. If i was expecting answers, there were none to be had, any emotional cleansing, any divine intervention, any miracle cure - none at all. just painfully unexciting meditation 10 hours a day on my own boring body reactions to seemingly nothing - there was boredom, there was pain but in the end, you do sense the change - the challenge is to sustain it - i may not be able to, but i at least know of that space within me where nothing needs to happen and its allright all the time.
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