(or how to find stimulation in tedium)

my work is not really repetitious but its not super exciting either
business here is slow, really really unbelievably slow
and then there is heat, boredom, and paperwork to deal with...

meanwhile the car trip t work that would take me anywhere from 50 min to an hour is now taking me 40 mins
yay for that - i am also more actively driving (as opposed to being on autopilot), still doing best to be scrimping on fuel and also getting aware of driving patterns and drivers around me. so if it is usually an alto or maybe a zen thats holding up traffic by driving painfully slow, its usually the santros that are zipping madly switching lanes. indicas and 800s are usually quite indisciplined and the SUV are notorious bullies. my vote is usually with the wagon rs.

so from a cautious safe driver i am also becoming more adventurous, and if truth be told, aggressive on the roads

its contagious

its the senseless silly drivers of delhi and i am one of them

am hitting back at people who cut into my lane, honk furiously, take sharp turns, overtake but always indicate when switching lanes unlike the santros! and i mark them off like people in a party - that golden toyota - why is he so indecisive, god let me not be trapped behind him - must not get into the same lane as that blue alto, see that honda city guy is actually indicating, why can the stupid safari do the same and uh oh trapped behind the blue alto after all.

they're all friends and mostly foes, slowing me down, honking at me and zipping with me

and i never see them again, they're playmates for a day - for an hour and sometimes mostly for a few mins while i videogame my way to office and back.

thankfully there is no way to lose

am ready for the change, is it ready for me?

so many changes that it seems a good time to change myself

there are challenges
in figuring a city, a life, a family, a profile

all of which i am unused to

and so you are forced to open up your eyes to more things
more beliefs more views more doors more ways
more people more windows more voices more of yourself and more of the world
more of the chaos and more of the mess we live in and forget to acknowledge

and so i am ripe for it
am ripe for someone opening doors to change
changing my life to changing the world to changing myself
am ready with my arms open

for another life to come and claim me

nothing comes looking for you unless you are ready for it nor do you recognise it unless it is ready for you
for the shedding of baggage
for a higher calling
for the new skin

come and get me

stranger in a strange land

i am not lonely but there is a weird aloofness to it all
i feel like i dont know anyone
dont knwo this life that i am suddenly living
the absence of familiarity is exciting but not all the time
i crave the little delights of the fixed routine that make the routine so special
there is no one thing i look forward to everyday
like the coffee break in office, or the friday snack, or the sunday nap
there is nothing right now, in the day or the week that i look forward to
am just gritting my teeth through it all
cant wait to get out of the house, out of the auto, out of the office, out of the bus, out of the dining room

sleep is the only thing i look forward to - and thats not such a great thing, is it

big city blues

new delhi is certainly new
and quite big
and foggy bluish cold tint to it

its a cool stiff stranger to me right now
that i am learning to navigate

as much as the newly married territory

there are flyovers to be indentified, bus number and routes to be remembered, and streets to be followed that never seem to turn at the same place the next day i try

its the frustration of the uninitiated - like a foreign movie, i hunt for subtitles in landmarks

but they repeat themselves in confusing regularity and i ask rajat if we are near south ex as we approach nehru place...

but its an interesting challenge, i have done this in many places with varying degrees of independence, of assistance, of distance. and i have managed.

it will take its time, but i will figure something that works for me,
and nokia maps will help! :)

am back

not really
but i just realised it has been a year
and what a year it was

getting over heartbreak
falling in love
cleaning up baggage
joining drama, kickboxing flute
getting a nephew
and getting engaged

whirlwind
moving from the poky little room
to a 2 bed room apartment with a friend
and then a big raise and promotion
quitting kickboxing and flute
and joining aerobics and drums instead

:)

ohho now i love my life
such a turnaround

but i must remember
this too shall pass

must enjoy it while i can

and i am here

one day

shall outgrow
rights and wrongs


outgrow decisions
that take you to different places
to decisions
that make you a different person

and be choosing
not consequences
of what would happen to me
but of what i could become

ok this was never meant to be a crib blog

but it so much to resist falling into that trap

when noone else listens


so i wont do that anymore, i think - the same resolution for the nth time
:)
and so much has happened i should write about