angry letters part 2

cheese moves
mice move
and i moved

when ? when did things start to sour
i could only faintly taste it
not expecting so much nothing
so suddenly
at least
the least you could have done was taper it off
so that i may be cushioned from the shock
rather than free fall into bitterness
at the most vulnerable time
just when i was coming out of the shell
out of the white and yellow house
of my comfort zone

when i moved
to brave the brave new world
first real life blow from
unexpected so unexpected quarters
damn!

like miranada!
ha ha!

its like the blow that is blossomming with time
and i find myself soemtimes still reeling from the
shock
mostly at the unfairness of it all
and why you didnt see it as unfair

or was it a pawn in a larger fairness
doled out to someone exponentially more important
does that mean the finite injustice was ok for the
infinite
then i do hope you got
some infinity
to carry in your pocket
in the space of your mind
from where
i emerged
like a discarded memory
like a send save discard function

how does one forgive when it is not asked for
in my imagination
(and i have such vast stores of that)
i have cursed (not only in my imagination)
i have apologised (reverse psychology)
i have raved and ranted and hath fury
i have set fire - to your home, to your engagement
rings and your wedding card (i guess i wont even be
invited)

but how why - i miss the histronics
thats hould have accompanied this
this discarded memory protests
protest the lack of ceremony
the lack of dignity, the lack of explanation
maybe even the lack of coffee to combat the bitterness

and if you thought it would cease to matter, it wont
hopefully it wont be as pulsating a resentment
just fade into something less than nothingness

or something more

i am waiting
for that
so that i can finally
stop sending you
these silly mails

which do nothing
probably dont even get read

no re, i wasnt in love with you, no crush nothing,
just got dependent for daily dose of normalcy
of stability
of a dozen smses
and didnt expect it to get snatched away so rudely
without a by your leave thing
nothing at all
no explanation
left me wondering what i had done
that was the problem

even if it wasnt something i had done then why?

why couldnt you simply appeal to my rational/ irrational (cause i have both) mind to help you out - rather than ousting me so painfully??????????????????????????

i wish i could something really cruel and mean at the end of this that could make you feel breathless with shock and hurt.

but no ammunition
áll i have is this wallowing self pity

pathetic
and then to come and expose it in your inbox,
you must be crazy if you think i will actually send this