Light spirits fleeing the night... fairy lights (delhi)

Using Canon S1IS

sniff groan sneeze

day after tomorrow, i'll get older... right now, i just want to drown... i want to resign, quit, surrender.. just dont feel upto everything that i have loaded myself with. maybe its the cold, maybe i'll be better tomorrow... 

sometimes you can make love to a particular shade of purple, sometimes sounds expand in your head and lift you off you feet - most feelings are emotional manifesations of physical realities, the smell of rain runs its course through my body and make my fingertips dance 

OF PEOPLE AND PLACES 

Nostalgia is a hope that weathers 

bombay is the beginning of the world 

kolkata is howrah station and taxi rides through nightmarish traffic 

bangalore is a leafy shaded bike ride, 

my exciting life

... can't even remember when i put on a post last - and with no access to net at all for weeks, can't say that i missed it much - too much was happening to write about it - kol trip was such a blur, so much that happened - work, no work,family, raichowk, friends visit, pujo, pandal hopping, floods, epidemics, and by the time i was leaving for delhi, delhi had blasts - a lot of schedules upset, god work, bad work, running short of time, running late, running.... blurred images, colours and total fatigue, and some pics waiting to be uploaded - thats all i am left with...
oh and a new laptop, shall post more later - from what it looks like, delhi is going to be faster and totally too much!!

need more peace to think out blobby thoughts seeming to have potential for a good line here and a profound paragraph there - give me time and you'll have some.

and i continue to love william, waiting patiently...

back to civilisation

have to visit far flung villages now, no mobile network, bad food and smelly water, one ngo campus, snakes and moquitoes, (yeah had a yellow snake crossing my path with a fish in its mouth, but also a million stars and hundresds of fireflies like a crazy beautiful disco - land so flat that it stretched into green fields till earth curved away, silly geese... its a weird disconnected feeling - being in these villages, its so alien a lifestyle yet its right outside out big urban bubbles... anyhow, feels nice to be back! keys to punch into and hustle bustle, taxis and metro, nobody gawking at your non rural wear, i belong...

and sometimes i don't.. when nobody is polite and you are in ajam for hours, when taxis rush stranded guys by, there is something about urban anonymity thats just unhealthy, not to mention pollution, crowds and distances...

but am looking forward to everything- and PUJO!! the celebrations start soonm and have managed to make a quick fried to help with pandal hopping...

have photos, but not easy to load with unequipped cheap cyber cafes...

p.s. william is such a swwetheart!!

nosedrip and nostalgia

am sick! and not only as a person in soul but body as well - terrible backache, sty in my eye, sudden numerous mouth ulcers, cold cough, viral fever, and finally just plain tired! and so have been away and not writing...

but am in Oh! Calcutta!! - the city where everything looks fifty years old (am suddenly aging myself) - (is it the light quality tinting everything sepia?is it the corrosive air? is it really that old?) - but the shop signs fopts and the saree print of the aunty in the wooden ramshackle bus?? its justa sprawling village with this strip of the colonial time buildings and all of it is so old... except for the suddenly swanky malls and hutch and airtel signs- no wonder its conducive to period films, no wonder someone said of it - "the city where you feel nostalgic even when you visit for the firat time"

have a lot of pictures to post - dont have hello to post it - AND AM GETTING A NEW LAPTOP

and again

5 months, 2 jobs, 3 residences and all my posts - and i have packed my bags and moved all the way across to Kolkata now - new number, new address, new project, new organisation - and same old me.

It was shocking!! i mean it has been planeed for a month now - but been working 15 hours a day to finish the earlier project and this suddenly felt like waking up from a dream all exhausted in an unfamiliar yet regular world.

And the first time that I have left a city carrying no lingering images of the city no bonds with it and all of them centered around a single family and another room - and maybe a tree...

anyway here's to new beginnings and infrequent internet access...

like memories swept past

about last trip to bangalore too - Daddy's Deli opposite Bethany's is no longer there - simply not there - ironic? appropriate? - i dont know, tears leave no traces. blech what mush i write... but if the players not there what would be the stage be for any more... i want to shift to bangalore, i dont want to go there ever again... and i mean both

and back again

from delhi this time where lived next to CP on the 19th floor and saw delhi unfold every morning life a 3d map - wonderful - and with soon to be closed (CP branch) Nirula's Viennese Coffee IceCream which I do believe has to be one of the better ice creams in the world... (like i would know)... back and bored but next month is another city and another life to live for two months, am looking forward to it now....

currently reading "A Good Man is Hard To Find" horribly depressing but good. listening to Dave Matthews Band crooning "american Baby" and Green Day "wake me up when September ends"... nice.

oh and the sudden identity change etc because my boss stumbled on to the blog, and that was not nice...

not a loser

blooms in buttonholes
feathers in inkpots
misplaced wilderness
trapped beauty
i, however, stand inconspicuous
in my ugly shoes at home..

been a long time

and of course i was off again - to bangalore for a tremendously fun week - full of daru (alcohol) and desserts! back now, and so unhappy to be back...sigh! moved out btw - out of the crime scene to my office apartment - very nice except that ODing on the boss and his family. lovely people. but need to meet more people. and although i live next to the oldest and most famous/ prestigious of design schools in the country - still cant walk upto cool strngers to say hi. sigh! am such a loser...

and lovely

nothing is fair in love or war.

going down down down

down down down

exhausting trip - eight days, seven cities, all where i have lived and learnt, and whipping around them left me fairly exhausted - emotionally and physically. phone conks off and i am left isolated, and finally new people to live in the bungalow, friction friction - and today morning major cash and two phones missing - not mine but the friction kind of exploded. and news that the next project may not come through at terms i was expecting.

seriously depressed.

seriously wish there was someone to call and go for a coffee for.

sometimes this hopping across the country sucks.

lightened

blink...
blink...
blank!

my phones conked off - battery really
no beeps, rings, alarms or tones
no calls, messages or offers to win movie tickets...

peace!

but for some panic i feel every night thinking of people trying desperately to get in touch, but they arent. one more thing that i carry around but use not so much out of need... baggage!

actually

it flows and ebbs,
night, actually, is an inky liquid

i can fly,
actually, i swim in my dreams

ah! rainy flower!!! 

Ah! night...  

ah rain!

identity crisis

that i think my blog is going through - there is enough light fluff stuff and then there are my deep philosophical ponderings, and then out of nowhere i have my turbulent shadow boxing with people of the past - all these don't match - chapters of seperate books, different typefaces, but they are all me,
in fact at the beginning this blog was to be pretty much anonymous, and here i am divulging details of locations, people and stuff like that - in some ways important characters that were needed for the plot, in other ways, maybe people who wouldnt want featured here undisguised- so where do we go now? and my deepest fears - i meet someone who's read my blog and finds out it is me, and the other one - people i have written about actually chance upon the blog.... eeowwww!
actually who reads this blog anyway, dont think i should be so paranoid... maybe i should just change my name.... or maybe it is a pseudonym!! right - there you have it, i am not me, this is someone else!! d- uh!!

another blog hatelist

totally bullshitty blogs these days
full of selling acne cream, cheap laptops, girlie pics or poker casino stuff???
or they are in a strange language - have to go through reams of uselesness before latching onto anything readable... faf!

recommended on so many sites

that i finally watched amelie! really good... but for once i want to see a non love story movie....... hmmmmmmmmmmm, batman, anyone?

in case

you were worrying about me, which in most cases will certainly be not the case, - posts like the last one - are just once in a while eruptions, just my tendency for melodrama, to exhale toxic thoughts etc.. and i am fine

given up on the laptop, settlling for a mp3 phone, and hopefully buying it this week , also buying clothes if i can find the right place to pick up what i can almost imagine but couldnt find...
and found this room in a bungalow with a huge terrace where peacocks visit - and waltz in the rain - reading an average of two books a week and planning three vacations!! and seen three useless movies... and tried to drown in the drizzle yesterday - wow this place really does need rain for the weather to cheer up...

on the downside - unexpected cat visit totally spooked me, and the total absence of sound while reading unnerves me sometimes ( hence the phone) and electric kettle can only give you insta noodles and tea - so i starve often - too lazy to go out alone, too unsociable to ask anyone -

living alone makes you appreciate many a things - instability for instance - ha ha - but i love the fact that rightnow i simply dont have to do anything i dont want to do,

i dont have to be polite, i dont have to be right, i can cook, i can starve, as long as the money trickling in is enough for me to live on, this year i dont care,

any maybe noone else does too

but it is well worth it - this year of wanderings wonderings... bangalore - jaipur - delhi - pune and now ahmedabad next stop kolkata.... whew!!

angry letters part 2

cheese moves
mice move
and i moved

when ? when did things start to sour
i could only faintly taste it
not expecting so much nothing
so suddenly
at least
the least you could have done was taper it off
so that i may be cushioned from the shock
rather than free fall into bitterness
at the most vulnerable time
just when i was coming out of the shell
out of the white and yellow house
of my comfort zone

when i moved
to brave the brave new world
first real life blow from
unexpected so unexpected quarters
damn!

like miranada!
ha ha!

its like the blow that is blossomming with time
and i find myself soemtimes still reeling from the
shock
mostly at the unfairness of it all
and why you didnt see it as unfair

or was it a pawn in a larger fairness
doled out to someone exponentially more important
does that mean the finite injustice was ok for the
infinite
then i do hope you got
some infinity
to carry in your pocket
in the space of your mind
from where
i emerged
like a discarded memory
like a send save discard function

how does one forgive when it is not asked for
in my imagination
(and i have such vast stores of that)
i have cursed (not only in my imagination)
i have apologised (reverse psychology)
i have raved and ranted and hath fury
i have set fire - to your home, to your engagement
rings and your wedding card (i guess i wont even be
invited)

but how why - i miss the histronics
thats hould have accompanied this
this discarded memory protests
protest the lack of ceremony
the lack of dignity, the lack of explanation
maybe even the lack of coffee to combat the bitterness

and if you thought it would cease to matter, it wont
hopefully it wont be as pulsating a resentment
just fade into something less than nothingness

or something more

i am waiting
for that
so that i can finally
stop sending you
these silly mails

which do nothing
probably dont even get read

no re, i wasnt in love with you, no crush nothing,
just got dependent for daily dose of normalcy
of stability
of a dozen smses
and didnt expect it to get snatched away so rudely
without a by your leave thing
nothing at all
no explanation
left me wondering what i had done
that was the problem

even if it wasnt something i had done then why?

why couldnt you simply appeal to my rational/ irrational (cause i have both) mind to help you out - rather than ousting me so painfully??????????????????????????

i wish i could something really cruel and mean at the end of this that could make you feel breathless with shock and hurt.

but no ammunition
áll i have is this wallowing self pity

pathetic
and then to come and expose it in your inbox,
you must be crazy if you think i will actually send this

went here

a message in a bottle

and so i am putting my fave ee here as well

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did.


women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain


children guessed (but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew)
autumn winter spring summer
that noone loved him more by more


when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her


someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)
they said their nevers they slept their dream


stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)


one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was


all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.


Women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

- i actually illustrated this and made a scrollof this once, as a classroom exercise.... anyhow. if by yes...

namesake

You Live Your Life as if it's Real

some strange but nice poetry - chanced upon while looking for similar names...

so opportune time to tell you why as if and why reference to mian asif

i had to bill someone for some design services
and had to get a letterhead done
and so got to wondering to what my company one day should be called
and with my initials - a and s.. which would mean 'as'
what could be added
as you like it
as and when
as of now
as if
and 'as if' sounded good, short and usable, if with its potential for almost everything
but if 'as' standed for me, 'if' too would have had to stand for something
so.
intelligent female
interested in freelancing
irritated fortunehunter
irascible fathead
all kinds of things
with my imagination fired
...
and so 'imagination fired' - was it, a little much, but true
fired - not only fiery but also the connotation of fired objects of pottery (with high possibility of me beginning something to do with pottery)

so far so good
and then meghana says,
anyone with no english will read it as 'asif' - the name
so what to do
but then why not
and i shall have a multilingual thing, so important if you work in the crafts sector, not to mention multi religion too!!
m.i.a.n. a.s.i.f.
(meghana is a nut aanchal s. imagination fired)

changing backdrops....

"What is the purpose, I wonder, of all this restlessness? I sometimes seem to myself to wander around the world merely accumulating material for future nostalgias..."

my sister sent me this - from vikram seth - its true tho - sometimes i think i love the souvenirs more than the trip, the trip for the souvenirs and not the other way round, the journey should be important, but i'd rather collect stories, picking up chracters and chucking the ones that don't fit the plot, and putting in twists to keep the suspense going, the aderalin flowing... not behaving at all as if it is real....




maybe it isn't.

leap before you walk

MAY 22 - a hundred
JUNE 3 - three hundred and twenty nine - maybe i should stand for elections now!!

hmm, so new room to live in, bought cheapie electric kettle and a clothes iron - and went for a heritage walk where i took terrible pictures with a borrowed camera... but a fairly good thing in all... went to "biscuit galli" - what a name - didnt find so much biscuit as bamboo there and "bartan bazaar" - true to its name....

and died in the heat.

yeah, i am dead. go home now, its over - i am dead.

d -uh - well resurrecting to say - firang skyped happiness with my worka nd hope to work with you again types and me done with him - me azaad panchi! me like the bird i'll only fly away! tomorrow start work on the next project! whew - unending series of super excitement, i can't take it i tell you, i just can't....

btw Mr. Karkhanis, thank you for your judgemental assessment of my interests, honoured that you approve!

... in a mood for over the border hugs ....

pakistan has always been the other side - but my recent interest in hindi poetry - faiz, kabir etc, - has prompted me to read excellent blogs on
www.streetphotos.net/blog/

and the amazing
www.chowk.com


and nothing to do with poetry but amazingly popular and prolific
http://indiauncut.blogspot.com

and their better half bothprose and poetry
http://middlestage.blogspot.com/


hmmm, again blog becoming about other blogs
but however, in case you didnt notice,
I AM BACK!!


Aanchal

contagious heartbreak

amazing how everyone's story is the same, how when work life sours, so does love life but without histronics of betrayal, simply disappointment
and you know you just need to get out, and have nothing holding you back but the sheer comfort zone of friends -
have to move on, got to get going - and the new place may have the same thing repeating - but nothing is as unberable as nothing at all.........

a colleague, I think, seems to be halfway in love but seems to be getting nowhere, but know that her dissatisfaction with work is escalating at the same time... repeat of my time in bangalore... i know her guy is already engaged or getting there...

I hope she leaves the town soon............ she needs some fresh air......... and fresh people. I really like her now and she gave me good dinner today, but only for her sanity's sake, I hope she either finds somebody or something not only for passing/ killing time but to live it, there's only so much of it anyway, we can't while it away... not like this...






nor should I.

putting my money where the post is

... read my last post and think that i am right!! ha ha!! i need to get a life - i mean my posts cant be about posts!! - (but her I go again) - as if this should be so unreal..... so am on a blog hiatus - (is that the word) - till I figure what I want to say. yes.

who in your merry merry month of May,
who by very slow decay
and who shall I say is calling?
- Leonard Cohen

getting higher

and for some strange cosmic reason - all the three blogs below are talking about related things - breakupgrrl on how she forgot to take the medication that keeps her balanced, anotherwhitesheep on how he wants to be normal - but seems to find no unmedicated company and al_sayf continues his tough battle to stop smoking - hmmmmmm,
i dont know - whether are artificial stimulations are doors to alternate perceptions, if we can restore balance by swallowing what is missing, if a higher state is reached not by trudging a lone path but by an artificial jet... so is life not stimulating enough that we need to be aided or is that we end up hunting for the wrong answers and feel depressed - or not impressed enough.
there's a crack in this somewhere - its a point when you stop looking and stop wondering whether you are there yet - and maybe you are... but i identify with the fed up ness (??) doctored to your senses bites of information visuals sounds and chatter that surround us - but also that once you realise those arent the answers, nor the stimulation you seek, its easy to move on... to real things... (SO GET UP FROM THE BLOGS AND DO SOMETHING THAT NEEDNT BE REDUCABLE TO A BLOG POST SIZE - fly)

Blogs to read and not to

In my blog surfing, I realised I discover myself - heh heh in the sense that I realise I haev pretty strong likes and dislikes -
I dont like blogs that wallow in self pity
I do not like blogs that have 36 animations, 20 music tracks and awful cursors
I also do not like blogs without the navigation bar that lets you go to the next blog
Completely hate blogs in languages other than English (I am guilty too here, but more or less stick to English)
And find blogs that jus post their sons/daughters/dog/ pet goldfish/ nth pose and zillionth stance
Are not open ended but definitely opinionated leaving you absolutely nothing to say

I also like some blogs!!
The ones that say something original and intelligent - like this one -
http://anotherwhitesheep.blogspot.com
and blogs that have stuff you like to read even if it is not original like a message in a bottle poetry page
or something that lets you peek into another life like the http://breakupgrrl.blogspot.com
or even tragi comic like
http://al-sayf.blogspot.com
well, thats all for now... what blogs do you like and why?

HUNDRED VISITORS!!

wowowowowowowowowow!!!

how hot is it?

so hot that the big fat candle is melting out of shape sitting unlit in the corner - that is how hot it is... 48 C.... halfway to melting point... me defiitely more alive, joined the library, made a friend, went out for a dinner - and had gin with peach iced tea - wow - i seem to be drinking more in this dry state than in the other wet and flowing states!!

went here http://stjacques.blogspot.com/ and said what i have been feeling for along time ... is the intelligent reasonable voting population of the US so limited? Bush bashing and STAR WARS - have to be the most talked about topics on blogs all over - and after wading through several i can tell you that the second half is better and over all it is better than the first two!! (and i havent even seen any, what a borrowed life!!)

show me this man

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein
stolen from http://asaview.blogspot.com/

as the quarter life crisis hits and 'get married' scene unspokenly becomes evident in between the lines conversations, i am trying to figure out who is it that i would want to marry - not in terms of a real person i already know but in terms of what kind of a person.... i think robert above got it right - now only if he would also ride the right bike, talk the same language, have a broad enough mind and enough conversation, i think i wouldnt look further...

let it bee

long time no photos, so heres of bees flying in formation, from my tenth floor - soon i shall be vacating - all in all its been fun - but i wont miss the bees...

The pic's dedicated to William ;))

not one in my bonnet 

looking up and looking down...

and wow!! people actually here and reading AND WRITING!! SO cool - actual blog bonding - am thrilled!!...
well, when things start to happen, there's no stopping them... really, I have been busy - yesterday met some one's friend over coffee - married female, no eyebrow raising required - and then there was a party - firnag has managed to get an extension on the project (how how how? after the terrible work we put in??!!) - so we went out to tomato's and then came back and...drank till 4 - led to some intense discussions - conclusion - "ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS and the WOMEN MOSTLY BITCHES" - well what do you expect from two- silent- drinking-men -in- orange- shirts and two -tipsy -disillusioned -in -l0ve - garralous -single -women??!! CHEERS!!

a message in a bottle

a message in a bottle
i really like the poetry posted here, somehow my favourite kind, and somehow the guy wouldnt post his own nor actually post anything else and actually has another blog which is a weather log??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whatever, i think we should just let him be...

so me got a site meter

and realised that all of 12 people visited this site last week ( i think ten at least were me!) and none of these ten (or two) people left any comments... hmmmm! IF you are here please SAY SOMETHING!!

a thought on people ...

...and how i cant relate to them anymore - tukku is in banking - so are most of her friends (earning anywhere between 45000 per month to 11lakhs p.a.) - at the concert 3 of these and tukks and me were in a discussion - i was yawning with a frequency of about one per twenty seconds, and they were talking incentives, targets and dumb branch managers - other geeky terms that i couldnt catch and rates and clients and portfolio. none of them had anything to say to me - zilch, and i had nothing to say to them. later on - after dinner one guy, and a perfectly normal nice guy, sweetly enough accompanied me to the place where i was going to crash - i managed decent amount of pc - somehow but, he just found everything crowded degrading and noisy about everywhere. we passed a jhing bang street party with blaring band and jhopad patti types dancing with total abandon. i remarked how they seemed to have so much more fun than the concert we had just attended, where people in their efforts to look and behave the coolest were so conscious to let themselves go and even we thought we would have had a better time if we had some alcohol to lose our inhibitions - how depressing - i never thought i would reach that stage - anyway and this guy didnt get it, and was complaining how these guys are a menace and just ned a reason to create a racket - right! while we spend a 1000 bucks with and as some worthless wannabes, at least her was something genuine - and he cant see it. are there people who see it? where are they? i am willing to starve and work and live a richer life with lesser money - just show me the poeple who see it - i wonder where i belong now. i wonder if i can go on alone cause living alone is depressing for me, i realised i would want sounding boards not echoes... WHERE? not shaadi.com, not icq, not rock shows and definitely not at not just jazz by the bay - must quit, must travel, must dig them out...

and then topping it all...

so downright pathetic! to while away my precious beautiful time topping scored from the yahoo webgames!! yeah i am topping all in my list now. but sheesh what a waste when i could be doing so much more...
but i already sense a new skin growing - resolution - no more moping - give it all i got and if then its not enough, shall just go home... just!

moojhik

sunshine that cheered me up after putting in impossible hours at work

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up
I've got no one to blame
For every time
I feel lame
I'm looking up

Every time I turn around
I'm looking up,
you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

.. thats for sure. going out to buy cornflakes has become 'celebration' for finally finishing the presentations and couriering them to London - not felt so cooped and trapped but yeah, cornflakes is a beginning...

may you may me may be

so mays begun and with so much work that i havent posted anything at all for long....

but such an apt name for the month - so many may -bes...
maybe i'll be here, maybe i'll be gone, there are no rights, no wrongs, just differances, different endings of the same song, maybe you already know, maybe you will wonder, i will not think anymore, simply surrender.

confessions of a personality quiz addict!

more crap!


You are Form 6, Elfin: The Wyld.

"And The Elfin saw the evil and
misjudgement in the world and shot her arrow at
the sky. Bolts of lightning struck the earth
and gave the world balance and
growth."

Some examples of the Elfin Form are Demeter (Greek)
and Khepry (Egyptian).
The Elfin is associated with the concept of growth
and balance, the number 6, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the half moon.

As a member of Form 6, you are a very balanced
individual. You can easily adapt to most
situations and you may be a good social
chameleon. You aren't afraid of changes in
your life, but sometimes you evolve too
rapidly, leaving others to think that you are
leaving them behind. Elfin are the best
friends to have because they are open minded.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Two represents interaction, two-way communication
(as opposed to one-way) cooperation, and
balance. You are imaginative, creative, and
sweet natured. To save me from having to put
each of these in a sentence each, the following
describe you; peace, harmony, commitment,
loyalty and fairness. But there are two sides
to the coin. Twos also introduce the idea of
conflict, opposing forces, and the contrasting
sides of things; night and day, good and evil,
so on and so forth. You can be withdrawn,
moody, self-consious, and indecisive.
What does your name and arithmacy say about you? (some simple knowledge of adding is required on your part)
brought to you by Quizilla

hum hum hmmmmm

i love launch cast
i love barenakedladies
and i love the fact you can get lyrics superquick just when you need to sing along

On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
You'll notice that I'm not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say "underwear"
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway

get it? did you? did you get the part of under there - under where - under wear?!!

how to learn danish

1. Have a danish boss who has a powerbook G4
2. Make sure that the G4 software is mostly in English - but has photoshop in Danish!
3. Forget to order an extra computer for yourself, use his!

gem som... gem ikke, ja!

*alternatively, this is also your chance to learn the entire photoshop menus by heart! distort - edit - transform - 4th!!

why are we here

I just realised - this blog is pointless!! yes, it's just me bored and writing stuff that I neither want to write nor anyone wants to read. A part of it is because I can't write to an anonymous audience and part of it is that I am not right now cheerful enough to post anything happy, nor depressed enough to post anything profound - not thinking enough to post anything worthwhile at all. And yes, my writing skills need polishing and my photography is also not that great - so I have nothing to sell - am one useless face in the crowd - with no photo in my profile...

swoon moon!! 

the suspense that killed me

if anyone was visiting this blog at all at all - but 2 comments, i am so surprised!! dont think they mean much... i dont think any of this has begun being interesting, but maybe it would be soon - meanwhile you can swoon at the beautiful moon - again from my window on a sleepless warm night... sigh!!

Relationships and why they work and don't -

(also why at 25, single and unattached, I am not a part of the rishta loop)
prompted by posting on http://pakibarbie.blogspot.com/
I have this theory about how love is like a connection - like a cosmologoical connection not really requiring solidities of life. Not requiring compatibilities as we view them but like a spark or wavelength connection - a very undefinable elusive phenomenon. Could be between a human and an idea - (Meera and Krishna) or I could so easily fall for some character in a book or a close friend falls for someone forty years older - and a gora at that... But the physical manifestation as in the actual relationship requires it to be convenient to really work, meera could love krishna, and i can love my village potter, but in real life you dont stand a chance, not unless you can really define and restrict contexts of existance or switch the rest of your brain off. the existence of two conflicting parts of brain is quite painful. So a socially appropriate "suitable boy" with all paper qualifications - the right job, the right height, the right family connectins could really be very easy to live with and very convenient to raise children with, but thats not how I will fall in love or discover the cosmological connect - and really, I don't know how I will ... if at all... I promise my next mail will be cheerful and nice, right now am quite cynical...

buzz and the haze 

the bee and the city

and my fascination with my tenth floorness continues - been so down to earth ground or first floor all my life - loving the wind and hating the heat- and yesterday morning a whole swarm of aggressive bees suddenly zero on to ledge outside my bathroom window and start hive building - BIG BUZZ! - and build the HUGE buzzing multistorey of their own - and go on in the sweltering heat working industriously all day just so at night they can accost any bright light and act silly... not so unlike the rest of the simmering city...

And cheers to you too!

not that its the first time its happening - but when it hits you, it is sudden - and tragic - someone you knew, pretty well at a time, getting engaged/ married/ committed to an asylum. someone with whom things didnt end so well - no he wasnt the love of your life, not even the love of the season, not even a crush - someone you just used to go out with - and then something just went wrong - now you're not even a part of his conciousness and he's doing all that you arent doing and in that happy bright picture you arent a part of - and you cant do anything about it, yeah ok, get married to the next/last guy who asked you/ turn up at the engagement/ send hate mail - but baby what hurts the most is that he has no reason left to care a damn about any of these ... its not asif it matters... not as if you really care, but somewhere a little sunshine seems to have moved on to other people's life and you are reduced to the small dark scheming shadow, email me a curse that works - he doesnt deserve to be happy after being so mean - and yahoo launchcast plays sinead o' connor - gimme a break, i don't really care, really.

As If

That is to be the name of my design company... one day... seems a fine enough night to start at least a blog instead ... been on a continuous trip these past five years... collecting experiences like postcards ... wondering where next ... hoping this would be (virtual but at least) an anchor...